Fighting Comparison: How your Parents’ Basement, a Gap Year, or that Barista Job is Just Right

Written by Casey Gregg

Senior year at Hillsdale is a glamorous time: friendships stronger than ever, the last round of “because I wanted to” classes, and the confidence of knowing you’re the oldie on campus. But Hillsdale students may be less forthcoming about the darker side of senior year: that sudden sense that, as you near the finish line, you’re glancing around you with panicked self-analysis: How am I doing? Am I measuring up? Where are my friends off to, and what accolades are they taking with them? Is my post-graduation choice “enough” to satisfy Hillsdale expectations?

Because we’re afraid to talk about it, we may be unaware of how many of those around us feel overwhelmed by competition. And why shouldn’t we? We’re surrounded by one of the most driven, intellectual, confident groups of people we’ll ever know; it seems that everyone and their roommate boasts of a triple major, five academic honoraries, nine leadership positions, and a spot waiting for them as the governor of so-and-so-ville upon graduation. But in reality, a vast number of Hillsdale seniors are graduating with a single major and taking a modest next step: a gap year to consider graduate school, a barista job to clear their heads, home-town employment found through a friend, or a trial-run job that they may only last for a year or two. Some may even be (GASP!) planning to hole up in their parents’ basement to take advantage of a beautiful (and never-again-to-be-had) rent-free life.

As you move through senior year, and the panicked instinct to check your pace against your neighbor’s rises in your throat, here are a few tips for surviving self-doubt and thriving in the path you’ve chosen:

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Truer words were never spoken, nor could there be a more applicable time to rehearse them. Make this your senior year motto. Only you yourself can weigh the challenges, loyalties, complexities, and necessities of your own situation, and only you can determine to have joy in the path ahead of you.
Remember that every person’s priorities are different, and nothing could be more important than pursuing yours. If you’re shooting for an elite career goal and taking active steps to get there, fantastic. But you may have a sibling with one year left in high school, or a mom battling a severe illness, and nothing is more important than being home; you may be committing your life to a spouse, and nothing is more important than making plans together; you may be so intellectually wrung out that if you read another book your brain will explode, and nothing is more important than making lattes for a while and clearing your head. Remember, too, that your priorities may change: what determines this step may be very different from what determines the next, and you’ll find the same is true of your peers as each of you walk through different seasons. Don’t expect yourself to understand your neighbor’s priorities, or for them to fully understand yours. Take peace in your own goals, and leave your peers to do the same.
Remember that almost no one ends up doing exactly what they first set out to do. For several (perhaps many) years after graduation, your life and those around you will go through regular shake-ups. It’s estimated that the average person works 10 jobs before age 40. That should take a lot of weight off your shoulders! What you do next doesn’t determine your worth or even your long-term future. You’ll have tons of opportunities to reassess—to go back and get that graduate degree, to quit work and stay home with your kids, or to scout out that dream job.
Remember that some seasons are building blocks to others. If what you need is intellectual recuperation, or time to bulk up your savings, or the chance to complete 25 PhD applications, TAKE IT. The value of a stage often isn’t apparent until it bears fruit down the line.
Don’t feel pressured to give a defense. There’s nothing worse than self-consciously having to repeat a one-line explanation of your life choice to the entire Hillsdale world (whose personal investment and concern for you as an individual suddenly becomes a giant drag!). Remember that when people inquire, it’s because they sincerely care, not because they want to corner you. Have a comfortable one-liner prepared that you can deliver with a confident and gracious smile. When you’re peaceful and joyful, others will be for you!
Lastly, listen to Michael Ward’s 2015 Hillsdale Commencement address on YouTube. This Oxford graduate, now a leading authority on C.S. Lewis, tells the story of graduating to live in his parents’ basement and watching his English-novelist aspirations come crashing down. He reminds us that the “Hills” and “Dales” of life are fittingly paired, and that “The highest doesn’t stand without the lowest.” If you’re too busy job searching to watch it, at least consider these words of his:

“I think quite a lot of people find the years straight out of college to be some of the hardest in life. All the educational framework which you’ve used to hold yourself up, and which in large part you have defined yourself by, is taken away, and you’re like a climbing rose without a trellis. And you either lie on the ground and rot or allow yourself to be pruned and get turned into a rosebush that can stand in its own integrity…Hills and dales are equally impostors…success can’t keep its promises, and failure can’t hold its ground. One shouldn’t be bamboozled by either state. The important thing is not to be in a certain state but to be a certain kind of person in whichever state you find yourself.”